Week 5

I’m guessing other blogs are full of content and inspiration but I find when I get to this part I need to write about my thoughts on the week. not to complicated so I can come back at a later time and read again. this is what my intuition told me to do and it was correct for me.

I know that because each week I feel like a different me. I am loving the whole experience and struggling a bit as I realise I dont even use the bathroom alone. I dont sleep alone and in the car I’m on speaker or singing songs trying to keep a toddler awake. I feel so guilty taking the time for myself and my last read and my 15 mins and looking at the lessons are happening in the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping.

Now whats the point of sharing that information? I’m still here 🙂 I haven’t quit and when I took the card out of my purse for pay it forward I thought wow…im really committed to this. that in itself is huge for me as it is 100% about me. The story of we do it to be better for our children or spouse is bull, we are doing it for ourselves and I am so delighted about that.

While everyone is concentrating on the last few days of scroll 1 and hannel I’m thinking about the change that is already taking place. I feel im struggling and hit and miss with the cards. im better at the reading and the 15 mins and overall awareness of change is obvious daily to me.

The part that sticks out most is huge and personal. I left home young and had my first child young. I have never found it hard to meet people or attract people and when I see people I haven’t seen for a while they will make their way through the room to come and speak to me. I know I’m a nice person and genuinely complement where I notice something and love people. I have spent my whole life believing I’m not enough. I cant have success because I dont deserve it. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE…..HA HA DO YOU THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE….screams at me loudly. so I see what I want. I get it with ease and I let it go because I dont deserve it. I’m on my third child and, relationship. (Kids almost 25,15 and 2) with ex’s who still have nice things to say about me so its not that I distroy relationships I just leave them. like I do withit everyone and everything. family..friends…business. I see, get, build, empower the other people and then leave. I blamed bad luck and bad times in the marketplace or it wasnt for me etc…as excuses but this masterkey experience and attracting the partner I have now shows me my patterns.

I’m sure Grace thinks im a, flake as I struggle with my DMP but the reality is I  was struggling with the happy ever after and what I want as im like a kid in a toy shop trying to figure out what toy is the best. its a huge thing for me to discover this as its the opposite to how I appear. with 500 pairs of shoes and being so particular to have the the house right with expensive decor and the kids parties have to be big with every detail perfect and the car needs to  be changed and upgraded every 2 years and if someone calls its not coffee and a biscuit its afternoon tea with china. so it is a huge breakthrough to realise I have created good enough to hide behind as the real truth is im still the same girl but in better shoes.

Now I want to change that and find how toare please me. and even.how to be me will be amazing.

So that is what I have gotten from this and the last webinar about the patterns and habits and how we are programmed to repeat our habits really had such a huge aha in me. so even though the scroll said I will form new habits and become a slave to new habits. its trueeaning has really hit me now.

Take care and chat again next week

Xx

 

 

 

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