week6 love

so onto scroll 2. is this the change or was last week the change? truth is I started thinking this will be easy and I can do it. roll on a few weeks and yes I can do it but God where is the easy 🙂 I thought I was flying the first few weeks and then as I started to take it more serious that’s where the struggle came in.

I am loving the whole experience and I am so delighted I have decided to do this but I really wasn’t expecting to be re thinking my whole life. is anyone else having the same thing? everything from my relationship to my work. life as I know it. relationships with family and friends are all being pulled apart in my head as I notice I have just sailed along and then when I know I’m completely on the wrong path I change everything. I have done this twice before and both time although difficult at the time and everyone thinking I must be crazy they were definitely the right thing. why do I go with the flow until I cant brethe and then when I have sunk into everyday life that pleases everyone else and I have lost myself to the point ive given up friends and hobbies and my life is about feeding and dressing and minding my family and feeling selfish for just wanting time to myself and something for me like to go and work without organising everyone else first or to take time out and go to a yoga class and come home to a house that is the way I left it instead of toys everywhere.

this last couple of weeks have made me realise I’m not being taken advantage of… I’m not a prisoner in this life where someone else has the key… I am the boss of me and people are reacting to the situations I have created and allowed to become my life. these are good people around me so how I spend my day is a result of what I have allowed be the wy I live day to day.

scroll 2 I start this day with love and I do, love for everyone and love for myself. figuring out my DMP has been crazy as I didn’t even know what I wanted, how can you get what you don’t even know? then the ppns ha ha another thinking process to figure that one out. so now and some would say better late than never I have changed both my dmp and ppn and am really 100% ready and committed and on track to doing this and doing it well.

I will look to the future with excitement and will be so into making it great I will be smiling like I have a secret… I suppose I do. its being reborn into a new way of thinking. I have always been positive and solution based and it has served me well but I no realise without purpose, without understanding myself and without understanding universal laws and the power we all have inside us then I’m wandering around with no roadmap.

I am super excited as I know this will work. when I lost over 175 lbs nearly 10 years ago I knew my mind would never let my body look like that again and I have never went back to visit that olace,i have stayed securely in the comfort of my new body and have yoyo up and down 20lbs depending on my emotional state and eating habits.

when I survived a road traffic accident that put me in icu and kept me away from home for 6 months I knew I would recover and be fine. I healed in ways that was thought to be impossible as I do not have a lot of the struggles I was told I would have. at the time I thought no…thank you but I didn’t loose that weight leave my husband and start again in a new home with two children to give up just when I’m starting to get things right 😉 so I know the power we have. I just never really put it to a definite major purpose that involved me.. my wants…needs. Desires… what do I want to create for my future. How do I want to be and where and how and its really there and possible and all you have to do is follow exactly what I say for 26 weeks and when you know what you have learned in the masterkey then keep going. Keep following the plan and them there you go. the instructions to hold your hand and show you what to do.

I don’t care how electricity works as long as I have light. I don’t care how phones work as long as I can call you so with the same expectation that the light works and the phone works I will embrace the masterkey and follow instructions and get it done. if I am struggling it is because I am taking it serious and not ticking boxes. it is because it is stirring uncomfortable feelings and thoughts in me but instead of giving up and instead of falling into the tick the box mode I will take the time and extra where needed and figure it out. do the deeds and be happier in the end when it is a process that works because I was true to myself even in the bits I don’t like and the parts that make me uncomfortable.

the scroll 2 is uncomfortable for me. I shower love on my children as I started with babies who grew and my love grew with them. this is easy love as I see them and understand them and want the best always for them. it pains me when all is not well with them or us so harmony and love and the best always is the easy option. its the other people where the struggle comes in. growing up (with what I can say with affection) with the fruitloops isn’t so easy. I have a family that has never in all of my years on the planet and I’m in my mid 40’s sat at the same table with everyone talking and no fight or grudge between them. I have parents who are separated in the same house who can send solicitors letter to the other and do things just to hurt the other for fun but will not sell the house and move on because what other people think  is more important than happiness so they will live off the goals scored against one another and have passed this on to their children and grandchildren. I have the title of queen as I am far to big for my boots living in happy land where my children don’t have as many rules and we communicate and even manage to actually like each other. so when I think of the scroll I can say yes I can do it but then I look at family and think this might not be the piece of cake I want it to be but I will get there and it will be fine.

chat next time xx

 

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2 thoughts on “week6 love

  1. Thank you for sharing the raw and vulnerable side of this journey for you. I hear you on the love for yourself, a challenge for me too. I can easily love unconditionally my son and forgive him when he’s being his three year old self. But have a much harder time forgiving myself. I admire that you are not just “ticking the boxes”. Keep believing!

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