week 12, still here

I love that I’m still here. I’m loving that I’m understanding. I didn’t do too well at the 50 mins, I gave up but will do it again. I don’t look at myself so closely even though I’m in the mirror every day doing my make up and live with a house full of mirrors I noticed the lines on my face, my age and that I look tired. I am tired I’m in my mid 40’s with a toddler with superhero energy so tired is something that’s part of that. it will pass like everything else and the truth is id prefer this happy tired over not having the joy she brings me every day.

I was looking at the cards and writing out achievements and things ive done sent me on a real trip through memory lane, it took hours as I sat daydreaming and remembering and realising it has been part of my blueprint to be a leader for myself and not a follower. so many times I didn’t follow and did my own thing in my own way. I have created good things in my life by following my gut. I sabotaged things through not believing I deserved them but hey that’s why we are here so its all good.

I started a business last year, more fell into it not really knowing what or why but as I was home with a baby figured why not. I know every business one of you are thinking…is she crazy, no market research…no money…she doesn’t know her target market or audience and shes doing something because she feels it will help women feel good about themselves and promote self awareness and acceptance in plus size while becoming healthier and breaking a cycle so we are not promoting obesity or giving our children the habits we have. the whole world is on weight and fashion and plus size verses skinny and you don’t know what you are doing so what are you doing….

the reason for that bit of background is to explain this last week to you.

I have the only plus size modelling agency in Ireland where its mandatory to attend training that includes confidence and self esteem. nutrition and health. we promote health and acceptance. we bought the licence for top model Ireland and included a plus size category,  we had our final and it was amazing. I received a mail from my business partner and it said she was upset that she wasn’t being mentioned so much and when she looked through emails and on social media she kept seeing all the thank yous to me. the charity we raised money for gave a beautiful thank you and all our fab contestants had me in tears with their beautiful mails. I was surprised as the girl on this journey with me is younger and more beautiful she’s an established model with a great career and she is nice. I’m so different to her yet we get on so well.

I asked one of the people we know how come Kate was forgotten in the thank you speeches? she said they didn’t forget, in the excitement the just remembered you first. its like when something happens good or bad.. there is always the one or two people you want to share with. its the people who will feel what you feel, will be happy for your success its sharing with them the joint achievement the thank yous were because you care. you cared in every minute of training, you had the same genuine want for every one of them to succeed and you shared your knowledge and experience of life and yours eyes were lighting up at the improvements every time. people just wanted to thank you for your help as you hit more than how to walk. they learned about themselves and grew into more confident and self assured people from the training so that’s why they all mailed and thanked you as they knew you would get joy from their feelings of happiness from that experience.

.her words really were lovely but really made me see this course is the reason. I love the training, I love the groups and helping them and seeing their progress excited me. we had wonderful trainings and I could have cried on the night looking at the progress they all made. I was genuine when I said there may be only one title but they were winners when I saw the dedication and their willingness to trust me, to get stuck in a do the trainings. the journey was greater than the prize. I’m adding other things with more people for 2017 and its all stuff I never would have dreamed of before sept but now I know I can do it. I have a different dmp than even last month. I’ve  learned the journey can be the prize, loving what you do and loving the people is the real prize.

the journey is great. I still have a lot of room for improvement but genuinely this is on priority list and I’m doing it. but I want to do more. at the moment the webinar is sun night and I miss the Monday one and try catch up but I’m watching it with the help of a toddler and often making lego at the same time to keep her quiet or I’m getting up in the middle of the night. I’m doing what it takes but its not enough. I know at the end of the 26 weeks I will be doing more as I really know I’m on the journey to great things so I’m not settling for less than 100% of what this course has to offer, I’m blogging late and I’m listening to stuff driving so there’s no such thing as cant. we make time for what’s important, none of us have time but what you will do to make the time shows the commitment.

I’m so grateful for this, and I’m loving every week. I love the lessons and I enjoy every word. I cannot wait to have the world within perfected and my ppns and dmp exactly right as I know then its just a matter of watching and preparing for the miracle. so right now I’m working on creating the perfect picture so the universe can follow my instructions. cant get what I cant see so I’m painting my picture and loving the journey.

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