week 16 lost

I only noticed I didn’t blog for week 16. I don’t know how I missed it. I’m loving this whole experience but I have noticed since xmas a big change in myself. the virtue building is great, the cards and gratitude is amazing but where I have really noticed where these things are seeping into my life is this…..

for the first time I am genuinely outside looking into a drama I would have been involved in before. my family are involved in some stuff and I noticed this time its like I’m sitting back, I can see where everyone is coming from but instead of seeing details I see the truth behind each person an how they are coming from their place of fear and the place of self defence.  here’s the amazing change….I don’t have a real opinion. I can genuinely say whatever… you will figure it out and I’m not trying to fix it or be involved. I realise we are all on our own journey. this is nothing to do with me and I don’t need the gossip update either. I feel calm. I don’t have the fear knot in my stomach and I feel good. I know I cannot control anyone else but I can control me. I can react? or maybe not. its ok to not react and stay calm. I’m on a different path and its ok to not have permission from anyone as I have given myself permission to fill my mind with information that will do the best for me and the best for the greater good. the dramas make me feel like I want to step outside. hallelujah I’m growing up and it feels great.

chat soon xx

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Week 13 my favourite so far

This week its probably no coincidence that we are doing Christmas and Gratitude. All the preparation for the big day. All the gifts, santa, groceries, cooking, decorations etc. For me its a natural time for gratitude. I’m not really a mad party person (although I do enjoy a good party) the xmas season for me is about family and gratitude. I find it easy to count my blessings and take a look at the year in a fond way.

The think thats different this year is I felt sad about family as in extended family situations. My daughters and partner and their friends and my eldest daughters partner were all here and it was great. The issues between extended family is what I was sad and thinking about. Instead of the f…you attitude and the eating the sadness with cake. Numbing emotions I found this yr I actually addressed whats going on. I felt sad and I also accepted the reason things are as they are is because I have grown up. I left the drama for a boring and happy life. I dont feel comfortable with the blaming and bitterness between everyone. They dont feel comfortable with me either or with each other so all 6 of us celebrated with our own people and my dad the exception as he went to my youngest sister as he didnt have pland and she lives a couple of houses away. This year I felt clarity as I hold no ill feeling and realise you cant change people. Cause and effect so I can only change me (cause) and sit back and see. And I feel calm about that. I enjoyed xmas more as a result of knowing more. Realizing that I’ve grown in ways and acceptance for how others are and not taking things personally has been a huge a ha moment for me. I know the situation will improve someday but I also know the date or year is not important as I am at peace with it. I looked at my family and was most grateful for their happiness in themselves and comfort with each other and in knowing they love each other. Thats a huge achievement after growing up in the opposite with parents who didn’t know better as they repeated what they grew up with. I feel there is no amount of material things that could match my children aged 25 down to just 2 years old not knowing that way of living. For them to know home is a safe place and family is where you are loved and where people want the best for you and there is nothing you cannot talk about or nothing you ever need to hide. This is the thing I am most grateful for, and second is we were able to shower them with gifts and a lovely xmas and have the time together to enjoy it.

My movies  were shawshank redemption. Pay it forward and 7pounds Not on the list for this week but mentioned in list and as opportunity was there to watch with the family I took it. Im not a big tv or movie person so I was maxed with all that but could link in each the similarities as in dmp, poa, persistance, achievement. Etc…

Happy  xmas everyone

A xxx

Week 15 franklin and scroll 4

I loved this week, I was  looking at the list and reading and its amazing how some weeks we decide on something but then notice so many different things.

I think this is a huge personal journey for us all and we are learning in a certain sequence but our experiences and a-ha moments are hitting harder on the things and weeks we need most.

I’m speachless as to how to explain properly in a way anyone outside of myself will understand but this week for me has brought amazing relief and changes. I have noticed things ive known but didnt really get.

 

I looked back at some of my blogs and its really reminded me of my journey. While im observing this week no matter how much im trying to observe I keep seeing control. The ways I need to control the ways others control, trying to force everything instead of just letting things be, as they are supposed to be. Without attachment to outcome. I see this week the connection with control and fear in a big way. My friend had a conversation with me about her cancer and her chemo and was feeling a bit reflective. Listening I realised the connection. Between feeings and health. She asked how come no matter what has happened in my life with family and cancer and surviving my injuries and various other things and I realised the difference is acceptance. It cuts out so many of the words on franklins list. When we accept and observe and connect it makes everything just details. She spoke about anger in her spouse and about putting it down to never being hugged as a child or never hearing I love you. She put it down to his parents relationship and as I listened I realised through this course I have learned acceptance. I grew up the same but I accept what is. I dont hold ill feelings as we are all doing thewell best we can in the moment and some moments are better than others. Its not about me. Its about where you are in the moment. Our priorities, who we love or who we give attention to or what ill feelings we hold is about where we are on our journey. I have learned we can be in heven or hell and still live in the same street. How we think feel veiw the world will reflect back at us and what we attract is whats in us. We cant attract whats not there so this journey is like changing rhe chanel on tv. Ive decided my chanel will be the one where its calm and accepting and where the chaos is on another channel. Its still there but I dont have to invite it into my living room. I have without realising it pruning away the negative and the drama fromy life and instead of feeling guilty I feel proud. Proud I recognize what doesnt serve my family well. My mind isn’t so busy and im happier. The cards might have helped this. Realising I have done things through my life that were good and that given the same situations I would not change. Im more resourceful and stronger than I thought. Im more capable than I realised and im a good person. Its nice to realise im doing ok. Looking at my life I would like a better income but they rest is really just making it more of. I have made too many changes to list in 2016 but its been amazing and now with this experience 2017 will be even better.

 

 

 

Week 14 knowledge will not apply itself

What a big moment this week.

Knowledge will not apply itself. Funny how simple and we know it but actually we dont know it.

I have studied coaching, cbt and d nutrition, I’ve been teaching groups and can say you can bring a horse to water but cant make him drink and yet it didnt really clickgood.

I have some knowledge but I wasn’t applying it until this mkmma. The golden nugget, the a ha moments, the wows, the really getting stuff is only hitting me with that line. Im applying the knowledge, all the years of reading, years of failing, years of wondering why I know it but its not working. Subby was not co operating because I didnt know how to comunicate. I was reading and doing the wow..great but not really taking the steps. I was like someone sprinting for a few miles and burning out at the side of the road and then giving up bling myself for having no will power. Do it now, cards, shapes, reading sitting…..all actions all applying the knowledge. Witt whoo this is happening

 

Happy new year, im listening to webinar so need to concentrate now x

week 12, still here

I love that I’m still here. I’m loving that I’m understanding. I didn’t do too well at the 50 mins, I gave up but will do it again. I don’t look at myself so closely even though I’m in the mirror every day doing my make up and live with a house full of mirrors I noticed the lines on my face, my age and that I look tired. I am tired I’m in my mid 40’s with a toddler with superhero energy so tired is something that’s part of that. it will pass like everything else and the truth is id prefer this happy tired over not having the joy she brings me every day.

I was looking at the cards and writing out achievements and things ive done sent me on a real trip through memory lane, it took hours as I sat daydreaming and remembering and realising it has been part of my blueprint to be a leader for myself and not a follower. so many times I didn’t follow and did my own thing in my own way. I have created good things in my life by following my gut. I sabotaged things through not believing I deserved them but hey that’s why we are here so its all good.

I started a business last year, more fell into it not really knowing what or why but as I was home with a baby figured why not. I know every business one of you are thinking…is she crazy, no market research…no money…she doesn’t know her target market or audience and shes doing something because she feels it will help women feel good about themselves and promote self awareness and acceptance in plus size while becoming healthier and breaking a cycle so we are not promoting obesity or giving our children the habits we have. the whole world is on weight and fashion and plus size verses skinny and you don’t know what you are doing so what are you doing….

the reason for that bit of background is to explain this last week to you.

I have the only plus size modelling agency in Ireland where its mandatory to attend training that includes confidence and self esteem. nutrition and health. we promote health and acceptance. we bought the licence for top model Ireland and included a plus size category,  we had our final and it was amazing. I received a mail from my business partner and it said she was upset that she wasn’t being mentioned so much and when she looked through emails and on social media she kept seeing all the thank yous to me. the charity we raised money for gave a beautiful thank you and all our fab contestants had me in tears with their beautiful mails. I was surprised as the girl on this journey with me is younger and more beautiful she’s an established model with a great career and she is nice. I’m so different to her yet we get on so well.

I asked one of the people we know how come Kate was forgotten in the thank you speeches? she said they didn’t forget, in the excitement the just remembered you first. its like when something happens good or bad.. there is always the one or two people you want to share with. its the people who will feel what you feel, will be happy for your success its sharing with them the joint achievement the thank yous were because you care. you cared in every minute of training, you had the same genuine want for every one of them to succeed and you shared your knowledge and experience of life and yours eyes were lighting up at the improvements every time. people just wanted to thank you for your help as you hit more than how to walk. they learned about themselves and grew into more confident and self assured people from the training so that’s why they all mailed and thanked you as they knew you would get joy from their feelings of happiness from that experience.

.her words really were lovely but really made me see this course is the reason. I love the training, I love the groups and helping them and seeing their progress excited me. we had wonderful trainings and I could have cried on the night looking at the progress they all made. I was genuine when I said there may be only one title but they were winners when I saw the dedication and their willingness to trust me, to get stuck in a do the trainings. the journey was greater than the prize. I’m adding other things with more people for 2017 and its all stuff I never would have dreamed of before sept but now I know I can do it. I have a different dmp than even last month. I’ve  learned the journey can be the prize, loving what you do and loving the people is the real prize.

the journey is great. I still have a lot of room for improvement but genuinely this is on priority list and I’m doing it. but I want to do more. at the moment the webinar is sun night and I miss the Monday one and try catch up but I’m watching it with the help of a toddler and often making lego at the same time to keep her quiet or I’m getting up in the middle of the night. I’m doing what it takes but its not enough. I know at the end of the 26 weeks I will be doing more as I really know I’m on the journey to great things so I’m not settling for less than 100% of what this course has to offer, I’m blogging late and I’m listening to stuff driving so there’s no such thing as cant. we make time for what’s important, none of us have time but what you will do to make the time shows the commitment.

I’m so grateful for this, and I’m loving every week. I love the lessons and I enjoy every word. I cannot wait to have the world within perfected and my ppns and dmp exactly right as I know then its just a matter of watching and preparing for the miracle. so right now I’m working on creating the perfect picture so the universe can follow my instructions. cant get what I cant see so I’m painting my picture and loving the journey.